Workshop #3: Heather Has Two Daddies”
Wednesday, December 16 @ 7PM

Gay daddies face particular issues that lesbian mothers do not have to deal with stemming from the common assumption that all children need “mothering.” Queer parents are subject to some of the same sexist prejudices as their straight peers and can fall into the same gender traps. All children need kind and loving parenting, which can be offered by men and women alike, or denied equally by both sexes. To sit by a child’s bedside when s/he is sick, to help with homework, to kiss the boo boo to make it better, to hang up the finger painting on the frig door, to talk to the teacher about problems at school – these are all issues that involve parents, and are ably provided by both men and women. While many lesbians think that their son needs a male role model in order to have a rich emotional life, many gay men think their son needs a loving maternal figure and that their daughter needs a woman in whom to confide. These assumptions buy into stereotypical visions of male and female character structure and are a perpetuation of rigid straight thinking. Gay daddies need to explore their concerns about their ability to transcend the straightjacket of sexual roles and confront the prejudices of the community regarding their ability to provide proper parenting. A prominent concern of gay fathers, but often unexpressed fear, is that “the neighbors think I will sexually molest my son.” A related fear is that as a daddy, a gay man will not be a suitable figure in whom his growing daughter can confide about her budding sexual maturity.. This workshop will expose these underlying concerns and help daddies overcome their self-imposed sense of inadequacy about parenting.

Dr. Adam L. Benson is a practicing psychologist with a special interest in GLBT issues and Imago Relationship Theory. He employs Imago techniques to help GLBT people create healthier relationships as individuals within their partnerships as well as within their families His dissertation was on gay fathering experiences, leading to publication in the Journal of GLBT Family Studies. Dr. Benson works as a school psychologist and advises on creating GLBT affirmative environments in the school setting.

Graham Parker is the executive director of the Orpheus Chamber Orchestra. He has been on the board of CBST, the synagogue for GLBT people, where he organized charity events and a support group for GLBT parents who adopted through the same agency.

Adam Benson and Graham Parker were legally married in Nova Scotia in July 2007.

To make a reservation for any workshop, contact:
ihi Family Q @ 212-243-2830 or ihi-lgbt@juno.com