family Q workshops
To make a reservation for any workshop, contact:
ihi family Q @ 212-243-2830 or ihicenter@gmail.com
Upcoming family Q Workshops 2011-2012
Counseling Issues in Clinical Practice with Q Families: A Workshop for Mental Health Professionals
Friday, October 28th at 2 pm
Led by Suzanne Johnson, Ph.D.
This workshop is specially designed for mental health professionals who work with, or are interested in working with, families or LGBTQ people who are considering parenthood. To be addressed are the many issues Q parents and prospective parents face, such as: insecurities and uncertainties of transitioning into the role of parent, fears and anxiety of having a "different" family and being an effective parent, becoming knowledgeable about research regarding Q parents and their children, and the unique pressures Q parents may feel when dealing with the broader world of extended family and community.
Suzanne Johnson, Ph.D. is the co-author of For Lesbian Parents: Your Guide fo Helping Your Family Grow Up Happy, Healthy and Proud, and The Gay Baby Boom: Psychology of Gay Parenthood.
Good-by Mother, Good-by Father: How Gender Makes LGBTQ Parents Nervous and What We Can Do About It
Wednesday, November 16th at 7 pm
Led by David Schwartz, Ph.D.
LGBTQ parents experience much more than their fair share of parental anxiety. There are two fundamental reasons for this: 1) Society communicates its prejudice against our being parents both openly and subtly, and 2) The prejudicial message strikes unconscious chords of agreement in us. A big part of that agreement is our acceptance of the idea of essential gender - that women and men are fundamentally different from one another. Even though LGBTQ people tend to be more than usually thoughtful and critical about the myths of gender - its generalizations and stereotypes about how women and men, and girls and boys really are, and how they should behave - it is still very hard for anyone to escape the idea that men and women are born different from one another. This creates a special problem for families where both parents are of the same gender: Some LGBTQ people worry that children who only get to experience one gender in their parents are missing out on something important. Much of straight society thinks this as well, and more so, the combination of these internal and external pressures can make it hard for Q parents to feel that they are offering their children everything that’s needed. This workshop is designed to explore and help with some of the anxieties that Q parents experience negotiating the world of gender. Led by a psychoanalytically minded gender critic and father, this workshop will underline the myths of gender, the problems that people have encountered because of them, and offer a way of thinking about gender that may help.
David Schwartz, Ph.D. is a psychoanalyst in private practice in Westchester and Manhattan. He serves on the editorial boards of the Journal of Gay and Lesbian Mental Health and Psychoanalysis, Culture and Society.
A Gay Father's Challenge: Dealing with Multiple Identities of Gay Parenting
Wednesday, December 7th at 7pm
Led by Adam L Benson, Psy.D.
Gay dads face particular issues that lesbian mothers do not have to deal with stemming from the common assumption that all children need “mothering.” Queer parents are subject to some of the same sexist prejudices as their straight peers and can fall into the same gender traps. All children need kind and loving parenting, which can be offered by men and women alike, or denied equally by both sexes. To sit by a child’s bedside when s/he is sick, to help with homework, to kiss the boo boo to make it better, to hang up the finger painting on the frig door, to talk to the teacher about problems at school – these are all issues that involve parents, and are ably handled by both men and women. Gay dads often need to explore their concerns about their ability to transcend the straightjacket of sexual roles and confront the prejudices of both the gay and straight the community regarding their ability to provide proper parenting. This workshop is designed for men who are identified as fathers or who are interested in becoming fathers. The aim is to explore the underlying messages we receive from our own upbringings and the media and help fathers overcome their self-imposed sense of inadequacy about parenting.
Dr. Benson is a practicing psychologist with a special interested in LGBTQ issues and Imago Relationship Theory. He employs Imago technique to help LGBTQ people create healthier relationships with their partners and families. His dissertation was on gay fathering experiences leading to publication in the Journal of GLBT Family Studies. Dr. Benson works as a school psychologist and advises on creating LGBTQ affirmative environments in the school setting. He is married and is raising two children.
Interracial LGBTQ Families: The Challenges Ahead
Wednesday, January 25th at 7 pm
Led by Tara Lombardo, M.A. & Dionne Scott
In interracial families, LGBTQ parents have unique concerns. In addition to facing various hurdles and difficulties associated with being a Q family, these parents encounter further challenges when there are differences in their and their children’s racial backgrounds. For example, does the child identify more with one parent rather than the other and is this interpreted as racial rejection by the non-favored parent? Is the child of a different racial background of both parents and are usual parent-child conflicts misinterpreted as racial bigotry? This workshop will explore the internal life of parents and children who experience racial difference in their home environment, and offer ways of understanding and addressing their unique emotional and needs.
Tara Lombardo. MA in Mental Health Counseling, is a Staff Therapist and the Operations and Outreach Manager at the Institute for Human Identity. Her practice at ihi includes working from a psycho-dynamic perspective with adults of all sexual orientations. Ms. Lombardo ran a quarterly panel discussion on issues related to the lesbian community in New York City from 2008 to 2010.
Dionne Scott is the Director of Communications Operations at the Center for Reproductive Rights (CRR), a global legal advocacy organization where she manages the website, video production and publications. Her background is in television journalism, previously working as a producer at MSNBC and in local New York news.
Setting the IQ Bar for Q Family Kids
Wednesday, February 29th at 7 pm
Led by Liz Margoliles, L.C.S.W.
The recent buzz about "Tiger Moms" and parental pressure on kids to succeed inevitably brings up the issue for queer parents. Because gay and lesbian parents are often made to feel that they cannot be good parents they tend to try harder than most to be “perfect” and make sure their kids have “the best” of everything. It is hard to relax when one feels the world is looking over your shoulder, doubting your ability to be an appropriate model for your kids. Often Q parents do try harder, but does that mean they put excessive pressure on them to be perfect kids, or do they become over-indulgent?
This workshop will explore the expectations that LGBTQ parents have of themselves as parents, and what they want to provide for their kids, as well as what they expect from their kids in terms of accomplishments and behaviors. Are gay parents tiger parents, or are they pussy cats? Do they want their kid to be the strongest one in the litter or are they content to raise a well-adjusted, happy kitten? What is the way to go? Come and explore these vital issues with us and with our workshop facilitator, herself an accomplished gay mom with a teenage son.
Liz Margolies, L.C.S.W., a psychotherapist in private practice, serves on the Board of Directors of the Donor Sibling Registry, a non-profit organization serving more than 20,000 donor conceived offspring, parents, parents-to-be and donors who want to make connections with others who share their genetic ties. Liz also wrote the DSR’s FAQ page, offering psychological advice to those who are considering making connections. She has led numerous workshops on Q parenting.
Trans/Parents and Our Children
Wednesday, March 21st at 7pm
Led by Elijah C. Nealy, M.Div., L.C.S.W.
If you are a transgender, transsexual or gender queer parent, or are hoping to become a parent, then this workshop is for you! Led by a transgender father who is a licensed clinical social worker, the workshop will explore some of the unique joys and challenges our families face. How young is too young for my kids for me to come out? What about teenagers and transparents? Choosing adoption or having a birth child? Going from "Dad" to "Mom" and vice versa? How do I talk about what being transgender means? How will my child react to my changing physical appearance? What about extended family? How do we navigate childcare and school? What about my feelings as a parent? Come join us for a lively conversation about these issues and more.
An openly identified transgender man, for the past 24 years Elijah C. Nealy has worked extensively with LGBTQ adolescents and adults in both pastoral and clinical capacities. He has a M.S.S.W. and an M.Div. Formerly he worked at the LGBT Community Center in NYC as Deputy Director. Currently he is in private practice as a clinical social worker and teaches at Columbia University. He is the proud father of two young adults and a seven year old.
What to Expect When You Are a Q Family: Dealing with Children's Developmental Issues
Wednesday, April 18th at 7 pm
Led by Elizabeth O’Connor, Ph.D.
This workshop takes a developmental perspective on raising children in Q families. As the social and intellectual development of children in Q families unfold, so too do the issues and concerns that will arise at different ages. Children at different stages have their own unique issues regarding understanding their families and communicating with others about their families. For example, young children do not understand that all families are not like theirs, while older children and adolescents are keenly aware of that fact and need to learn how and when to tell others about their families In addition, LGBTQ parents themselves often experience unique, yet predictable, concerns at different points in raising their families. This work shop will give Q parents a roadmap of what to expect in their families at different stages, and strategies on how to better deal with the challenge of each stage.
Elizabeth O'Connor, Ph.D., co-authored, with Dr. Suzanne M. Johnson, two books in the area of gay and lesbian parenting: For Lesbian Parents: Your Guide to Helping Your Family Group Up Happy, Health, and Proud and The Gay Baby Boom: The Psychology of Gay Parenthood. She and her partner of 27 years are parents to two teenage daughters.
Gay Pride and Prejudice Among Teenagers
Saturday, May 5th at 2pm
This "chat room" provides a safe place for teens to talk about what it feels like to grow up with Q parents. What is it like to have a gay father, or a lesbian mother? Has that created any problems for you or given you special satisfactions? What do your friends think about your parents and about you? Do they think your family is "cool" or somewhat weird? Do your friends' parents feel uneasy about them being with you or in your home? Do you ever worry that you, too could be homosexual - that it could rub off on you? Are you proud of your parent(s) for doing their own thing, or do you sometimes wish that they has been straight? What does gay pride mean to you? Are you proud to have gay parents, or is that a slogan that is acceptable to you? Do you think your parents treat you differently because they are gay, and if so, how? What do you want them to know as gay parents about parenting that they don't know?
The facilitators are young mental health counseling trainees who have grown up in families of diverse sexual orientations. By sharing feelings and experiences with the facilitators and your peers in the group, you will be able to deal more effectively with any issues you might have with your family, and feel more comfortable about voicing your feelings - both positive and negative - with your parent(s).